"The Idiot's Guide to Simple Travel in Ukraine"

”The Idiot’s Guide to Simple Travel in Ukraine”

Or to paraphrase a stupid Peter Sellers’ line from “Dr Strangelove;”

”How I stopped worrying about the language and learned to love marshrutki to nowhere”

Note: For serious travelers coming, and those already “in country” needing train schedules and other travel information, please use the ultimate in travel details in Ukraine found on the fantastic Ukrainian website; “The Best of Ukraine.” http://www.bestofukraine.com/index.html

Prologue

When I first came to Ukraine, I was “terrorized” by the mass transit systems. There were so many unknowns about routes, what to do to get where you needed to go, and of course, the language differences. It’s not like I never rode a bus or train in my life or anything, and certainly at my age, education and reasoning abilities, I can pretty much figure out most any situation with a problem at hand. But language ability, reading, understanding and speaking it, is a big factor in the “reasoning equation.” Without it, you might as well be deaf and blind.

Since I ended up by myself the vast majority of the time when I originally first traveled in Ukraine, by bus or train, it was always a continuing ‘fear’ I had that I would misunderstand someone and end up on some “bus to nowhere…” Many people mover buses here go to remote village locations, as well as other big cities. Since a lot of cities and villages have similar sounding names to a “untrained” or inexperienced ear, the “fear,” while admittedly a bit silly in the civilized world, was not without some merit. And I actually DID end up going to the wrong place one time through just such a misunderstanding. Fortunately it was not a serious “error” and my Russian proved better than expected “under fire,” as the bus driver easily got me on the next bus going to where I needed to go.

So, that having been said, I recommend to ALL people coming here to do two bare minimum things for your own well being, and happier traveling; 1) Memorize the modern Cyrillic alphabet. Both Russian and Ukrainian use it, albeit slightly modified in Ukrainian. 2) Buy a Russian copy of the famous “Rough Guide” for travel and READ it before you come, and LEARN THE KEY PHRASES AND WORDS…and learn to PRONOUNCE THEM CORRECTLY! If you want a higher level of language ability, but not spend a lot of money, buy one of those famous “idiot’s guides” and get the one for “The Idiot’s Guide to Learning Russian.” I have it and use it. It is an incredibly good book for finding a solid, basic, conversational level of Russian. After all, Russian and Ukrainian people can’t help you if they can’t understand what you are trying to ask them…and they DON’T SPEAK ENGLISH.

Along those lines, I should add that it is my understanding by virtue of an extremely unpleasant personal encounter requiring the assistance of the Ukrainian Militsa (State police) that all officers are trained to understand one phrase in English; “I am an American and I need help!” I have met several Policemen who spoke very elementary English. Many studied English is elementary school, but forgot it since they never use it. Don’t count on anyone speaking English, but if you are really pressed to find someone, try a young person first, someone in their teens to twenties. A lot of them today studied English in elementary and high school and have at least an elementary speaking level.

I am also going to post some ‘warning advice” for different transport forms and travel in general, as well as my commentaries for people who have certain “aversions” that could prove to be problematic for them (silly and serious both) here given large cultural differences and mode of travel demands and conditions.

As a silly example: young women be forewarned before you come here; the women in Ukraine are some of the most beautiful in the world. So much so that even the Beatles dedicated a lyrical line to them in their classic 60’s rock and roll song, Back in the USSR; “Ukraine girls really knock me out. They leave the West behind…” Granted, while it is not true of all the women here, many, many of the women in this country, from 5’3” to 6’3” are absolutely drop dead gorgeous, have blue or green eyes, and are a perfect size one to size five. They could all easily be professional models. My wife is one of them. American women who have come here will tell you this is true…

Plus the women here, young and old, dress like they are going to be “showing on the fashion runway” every day with full make-up, designer clothes; including jeans, fabulous fur coats (many floor length) and fur hats in winter, designer shoes or boots, and all designer accessories. So, my warning is sill, but simple; if you have self-awareness and identity issues, be prepared to be shocked. LOL! And now to the more serious information….